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Jane's Jungle JuiceThis punch packs the power of a plethora of pachyderms. It will turn 115 pound geeks into Tarzans who can really swing. It will make you party like Chita. Can you say ooo-ooo-oooko-ook?  Naughty NurseyRemember those childhood fantasies about the School Nurse? And those teenage fantasies about those young delectable student nurses? This drink is better. It will give you completely new fantasies — fantasies in white that only a deep exploratory will quell. 
Limbaugh RushThis Conservative Cocktail gives those of us who know we're right just a little more righeousness. And also the ability to get higher than unborn-again liberal Liberatarians.  Polar Bear Cooler Inspired by Buddy Love's concoction from the original Nutty Professor flic with Jerry Lewis, which is way superior to the lame Eddie Murphy version.  Nerd WackerPlug into a surge generator. Reboot your brain. Upgrade your ram. And hook up onto a high bandwidth trip to the outternet of sanity. 
WhipplewangerSexiest concoction of this millenium. Takes the concept of DIY mixology to a whole new level. A very low level, indeed. More fun than squeezing the Charmin. 
FormaldehydeThis weeks concoction is an experimental medicinal preservative that can preserve your high indefinitely. That is if it doesn't kill you first. If side effects include drunken death syndrome, it will preserve your corpse for future generations to experiment on. 
Wet T-ShirtIt's not the kind of recipe you'll find in any bartender manual. Well, maybe if Hooters had a Hootress Bartender's School, there might be a footnote. 
Old Glory HoleA patriotic pre-version of the red, white, and blue. Known to set off fireworks prematurely. 
Brain Drano Guaranteed to turn your frontal lobes into medical waste. We're not sure if that is a good thing, or not. R U dum enuff 2 find out? 
FreestyleStart with Courvoiser over crack-vial-shaped ice-cubes in a Classic Coke glass. Crank up some beats and light up some sht. Pass the Courvoisier. 
Hot StickEvery guy needs a hot stick when he's shooting on the long green. That's pool, dude. Like pool without the water. To get your shooting eye, start with Wild Turkey 101 and some Slim Jims (the Hot ones). Then bank yourself into the corner pocket. 
Moon TatIt'll make you looney. A good pre-game for moon walks, moon dances, and the drive-by mooning of strangers on your way to and from your parole hearing. Show us yours, we'll show you ours. |
 
PrayerThis ancient remedy usually takes place during a post-imbibing event known as "worshippping at the porcelain altar." No matter what the core belief structure, it's seems all prayers include the words, "Oh god!" In our study of 32 parties of participants, we found prayers said from bed or stretched out on the ground are equally as effective. Meaning, not at all. 
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